The New Apple Product
Archive for the ‘humor’ Category.
Computer Heaven and Hell
In computer heaven: the management is from Intel, the design and construction is done by Apple, the marketing is done by Microsoft, IBM provides the support, and Gateway determines the price.
In computer hell: the management is from Apple, Microsoft does design and construction, IBM handles the marketing, the support is from Gateway, and Intel sets the price.
21st Century Proverbs
1. Home is where you hang your @.
2. The Email of the species is deadlier than the mail.
3. A journey of 1,000 sites begins w/ a single click.
4. You can’t teach an old mouse new clicks.
5. Great groups from little icons grow.
6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.
7. / is the root of all directories.
8. What a tangled website we weave when we try.
9. Pentium wise, pen and paper foolish.
10. The modem is the message.
11. Too many clicks spoil the browse.
12. The geek shall inherit the earth.
13. There is no place like 127.0.0.1.
14. Don’t byte off more than you can view.
15. FAX is stranger than fiction.
16. What boots up must come down.
17. Linux will never cease.
18. Virtual reality is its own reward.
19. Modulation in all things.
20. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won’t bother you for weeks!
xkcd.com
To those who don’t know it yet, this is in my opinion the best webcomic there is. It covers most aspects of geekdom, so you might not understand all the jokes, but the ones you do are very funny.
Take a look at xkcd.com.
The Gospel of Tux
In the beginning Turing created the Machine. And the Machine was crufty and bogacious, existing in theory only. And von Neumann looked upon the Machine, and saw that it was crufty. He divided the Machine into two Abstractions, the Data and the Code, and yet the two were one Architecture. This is a great Mystery, and the beginning of wisdom.
Computer Acronyms
PCMCIA: People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
SCSI: System Can’t See It
DOS: Defunct Operating System
BASIC: Bill’s Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM: I Blame Microsoft
DEC: Do Expect Cuts
CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too.
WWW: World Wide Wait
PENTIUM: Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Math
MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
What am I?
Late at night, when everybody is asleep, I do NOT wrap myself in bubble-wrap.
Keeping my virginity is NOT worth $15 a month.
Klingon is NOT my first foreign language.
My record on Experts is NOT under 2 minutes.
When I go to bath, I do NOT take a Luke Skywalker action figure with me.
I do NOT have 6 operating system installed on my computer.
All my base are NOT belong to computer games.
———-
But nevertheless, I am a geek.
Funny Unix Commands
% cat “food in cans”
cat: can’t open food in cans
% nice man woman
No manual entry for woman.
% rm God
rm: God nonexistent
% ar t God
ar: God does not exist]
% ar r God
ar: creating God
% “How would you rate George Bush’s incompetence?
Unmatched “.
% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].
% ^How did the sex change operation go? ^
Modifier failed.
% If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many (’s.
% make love
Make: Don’t know how to make love. Stop.
% sleep with me
bad character
% got a light?
No match.
% man: why did you get a divorce? man::
Too many arguments.
% !:say, what is saccharine?
Bad substitute.
% %blow
%blow: No such job.
$ PATH=pretending!/usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!
